Some days you question everything : should I have seen this coming? Did I respond quickly enough? Would another nurse have caught this sooner? Did I do enough? Does my patient’s family blame me for this situation which was indeed possible but not plausible? And those questions keep coming even though you know if another nurse asked those exact questions about themselves in the same exact situation you’d answer them with honesty and certainty that absolutely nobody would have done a single thing differently than they just did.
Then the patient’s daughter and caregiver looks to you in the crowd of RNs, MDs, NPs, Xray techs, cardiac diagnostics folks and says “thank you for jumping into action so quickly. I’m so thankful you were here” and all of those questions fade into the background and they are replaced with a new resolve. Critical care is like that; full of questions and unforeseen situations that you may not be expecting but are always ready for in the back of your mind. It helps when you have an amazing team with you. There are perfect storms and it is my belief that God places the right people alongside you in the eye of those storms. For me it was Rachel, Richard, Steven, and Helen as my fellow nurses coming in and out of the room assisting and bringing supplies and support. Missy as the nurse holding the rest of the unit together as we were short staffed and I was also the charge nurse that day and supposed to be the one holding it down. It was Dr. Leacock and Hilary (one of the greatest NPs on earth) leading the charge and getting us all through that seemingly endless shift of complications and varied treatments. It was our strong team of PSTs answering call lights and assisting our other patients which allowed the above team to focus where we really needed to focus.
Some days you need to decompress with someone who was there and witnessed and understands the day you’ve just had because they experienced it with you. I thank God for my “work wife” who is so often that person for me. I also thank God that my actual husband, while he may not fully understand the reason, accepts my need to do so and never gets angry with my “going out for dinner after work” texts even though I’ve already spent the day with my work family instead of my home family.
Some days keep you up well into the night and wake you up restless in the morning and you just need to get it out and analyze the day and feelings involved. That is what this is, so if you’re reading, thank you for supporting this tired but thankful nurse.
