Worry. It is such a simple little word yet it can be all consuming. Before I had children I had worries but nothing like I have now. Now I worry about the day to day things like whether or not they have fun at daycare (or school as we call it). I worry about if I dressed them properly for the weather, does Matthew have enough diapers or do I need to go to the store, am I feeding them the right things, is Claire getting enough exercise, is Matthew getting enough stimulation, do they know how much they are loved and how special they are - and this is just the every day worries. Then there are the big worries; how do I raise them to be Christians who will live the life Christ wants us all to live, how do I instill confidence and humility in them at the same time, will Claire meet and marry a man who will take care of her and treat her well, will Matthew grow up to be the type of man I would want my daughter to marry, will they go to good schools and become successful in their own right before they commit to another person's ideals, will they be happy and healthy adults - and the list goes on! One of the biggest worries for me is how do I protect them and keep them safe and this worry was tested, granted on a small scale, but still tested this week. Claire came home from school yesterday with a very red cheek and by bedtime it was swollen. I asked her what happened and she told me that one of her friends at school pushed her down and made her cry. At that moment, a little piece of my heart broke off. Now I know this may sound dramatic but it truly did and then a moment later I contemplated taking down a three year old - that was a fleeting moment though. What is so hard is the realization that I can't protect them from every little hurt along the way and I know that it is those experiences and our conversations about those experiences that will help teach them and shape them into the adults I dream they will become.
With all of these worries it's hard to believe you can enjoy being a parent at all but that is the really magical part - everything else melts away when one of those babies snuggles me, or holds my hand, or sits in my lap to read a story or sing a song, or when my sweet little girl puts her hand on my cheek and says "I love you Momma" completely out of the blue. It is during those wonderful and precious moments that I am so full of love and hope that even a mountain of worries can't compare to the pure joy of being Momma.
