On Second Thought

Okay, so maybe I was a little bit harsh in my last post about my child care realities. While it is still true that I would much rather spend every moment with my sweet little girl than let someone else keep her, daycare is not the hopeless pit of despair I made it out to be. The teachers (that is what they're called, just don't ask me what they are "teaching" my not quite 4 month old) are wonderful and my little one really likes them. She smiles in the morning when they greet her and that warms my heart. They also give a written report at the end of the day about what she has done while I was toiling away at my job. I wasn't wrong about all of my worries though. My baby rolled over for the first time last week - at daycare! I can't believe I missed it. It is one of the first milestones in her development and I didn't even get to see it. Not only did I miss it but as you can imagine she has not done it since that one time! Mean ole baby. The only other thing I have really not appreciated since daycare started is the cold I've had since Friday. I noticed a runny nose when I picked Claire up last Wednesday but thought it was just the dreaded "daycare nose" I had been warned about. By Friday it was a full blown cold which she was ever so kind to share with Dustin and myself. Fun!

In other baby news: Claire was baptized on Sunday. It was so nice. We had about 20 people there from our family and a couple of friends to witness the event. She wore the baptism dress and small gold cross I wore as a baby and the ring my stepmother, stepsiblings, and niece wore. She also wore a bonnet my mom gave her that will come apart to become Claire's "something old" when the time comes. Cute! Fellow blogger,The Wife, showed me how to add pictures to my blog so as soon as I upload from my camera and also get the pictures from Lanaea, aka my friend that should be a professional photographer, I'll share them.

In other other baby news: My dear friend Jennifer had her baby boy last week! Welcome to the world little Thomas! I am super excited that he is here but sad that I have only seen him for about 45 seconds thanks to the aforementioned cold. Stupid cold. He is so adorable though and I can't wait to hold him again! Congratulations Russ and Jennifer and big sister Maggie!!!

Day Care

Those are suddenly the two ugliest words in the human language. Day care. In one week from tomorrow I will officially be a working mother. It's not a new job or anything I just have to go back from maternity leave. I never thought I'd feel this way. Before I ever even thought of having children I knew I didn't want to be one of those women that gives up their career for their children. Staying home was something that women from my mother's generation did. I have never in my life been more jealous of that generation. For all of my "women forward" thinking I can't get over the fact that I am taking the most precious thing in my life and handing her over to complete strangers to take care of 8 hours a day. That means that those people will spend more time with her over the next few years than I will. That thought makes me sick to my stomach. What if she utters her first words at day care? What if her first steps happen there? What if she doesn't understand where her mommy, who has been spending every moment for twelve weeks with her, went? How am I supposed to get anything accomplished at work while worrying about how she is doing?
People tell you things like "she'll be exposed to more learning opportunities there than she would at home with you" or "it'll be good for her to have other children to interact with" to try to make me feel okay about the situation. The funny thing is I have said those same things to other people to try to make them feel better and I really believed those very things to be true. The real truth is, no matter what my feelings are, I have to work. That is it plain and simple. I have to work. The question then becomes how do I come to terms with my situation and make the best of the time I have with her? Is quality really more important than quantity? I guess I'm on my way to finding that out like it or not.

30

I have been thirty for a week and a day now. I gotta tell you, it's not what I expected. I thought "30" meant being done. Done establishing myself. Done learning who I am. Done wondering what direction my life is going to go. Done. In some ways I guess I am done; I have a wonderful husband, a new baby girl, a good job with a boss I can actually say I respect and admire, a house, a church where I feel I belong and a great family and group of friends. Even in respect to those things I'm not even close to being done.
What I am learning at thirty is that my wonderful husband and I won't ever be done working to make our marriage better. I believe that work will continue our entire lives together. We certainly aren't done making a home for our daughter and we aren't even done having children. I know that I am not done developing my relationship with God and now realize that will be ever evolving. It's fair to assume my current boss will not be my last boss and the place I've worked for over five years may not be where I have my career. I am also not done learning to be a better daughter, sister and friend.
I thought there would be comfort in being done but now I know that the true comfort is that my life is always changing and there will always be more to do until my time on earth is truly done. That may sound like a lot of insight for a week and day but what can I say, I'm thirty.

Shots

I can remember when doing shots was a fun thing with a group of friends. As of yesterday, that memory is completely gone. Now the word has a much sadder meaning. It was my baby girl's two month check-up yesterday and she had to get three shots. I know that they all do fantastic things that are good for her and I know it was harder on me than on her, blah blah blah. Really, it was quite awful. The first shot she took like a champ with just a crazed wide eyed look, the second and third shots were another story. I have never in my life heard a scream like the two that came out of my tiny (11 1/4 lbs) daughter! It was like the whole world was coming to an end and she was the only one that knew it. How sad! She got over it pretty fast after I was able to pick her back up but it was still heart rendering. Luckily we are done with that until her 4 month visit. Poor baby.

In other news, our new bedroom furniture arrives this Thursday just in time for my birthday on Friday! I can't wait. I hope it all fits in our room okay, if not I may just bring the old shot definition back!

Presents

So my neighbor has been after to me to start blogging again. It seems my last post was in 2007 and I'm worried I won't remember why I started this in the first place. Well, my husband and I have a birthday present problem that has inspired me to start again. The problem is that when it comes to birthday presents we are like children. We can never wait until the actual birthday to give our presents to each other. For example, my birthday is next Friday but here I sit typing happily away on my new laptop! It's not just birthdays either, we are like this at every holiday or event. The best part is that we don't think there is anything wrong with this affliction but our family does. They think we have absolutely no will power. I say whatever works and this definitely works for me!

No One Said It Would Be Easy

And it is sure not. So here we are married and living in our first house together. Ah, Bliss! Not quite. We got married two months ago, two weeks ago my hubby lost his job. That's great. Not only that but it happened to be two days until we left for our family Vegas Vacation. It was almost a disaster! We went on the trip anyway with the support of my father and step mother but the mood was somber at times. Luckily, yesterday he started a new job so it didn't last long. Talk about a bump in the road though.
Now, we lived together before we got married (sinners, I know) and so I thought nothing would be different after the vows. Boy, was I wrong. I had no idea how much the words "until death" can really change the way you look at a person. You know that really endearing thing your significant other does that nobody but you thinks is cute? Yeah, it's not. You don't realize it's not until you do realize you will witness it everyday for the rest of your life. I don't know if anyone has seen "When Harry Met Sally" but there is a line that I am going to paraphrase for you here: when I was single I thought I would always be alone and now that I am married I will NEVER be alone again! It sounds awful but if you are happily married, and I actually am happy, you know what I'm talking about.
I am finding out that the first year really is hard but we are doing well this far so if we can just live through the next 10 months I think we will be fine the next 70 years or so.

You know what I hate?

I'll tell you. It is song remakes. I don't mind them in and of themselves, it is more the people who listen to the remakes. Take Cheryl Crow's - The First Cut for example. I have heard a lot of people say they like that song and almost nobody say they sure are glad Cat Stevens wrote and recorded it all those years ago. That just drives me crazy. Now there is this band called Gnarls Barkley. Don't get me wrong, I like them and their music, but they did a cover of Gone Daddy Gone. I was singing to it in a store and the clerk said he didn't know anyone had heard it yet. I explained to him that I had heard it - in the 90's when the Violent Femmes did it. I have been accused of being a music snob and if that is true I am proud of it. It just drives me batty when people hear all of these "new" songs by these artists today and have no idea of the musical history that is there.
I am sure there are many others, like the countless samples on the radio, but I gather you get the point. Please go back and listen to the originals of all of these songs you like today, you may just like the original better.

Late

I have an illness. No, no need to send flowers or cards, it's not that type of illness. It could however prove to be detrimental, to my career. I can NOT get places on time. I swear to you, no matter how hard I try I can't do it. I say it is an illness because it is surely genetic in that my sister has it too. I am late to work even on the days I get up early. It seems when I force myself to get out of bed that 15 or so minutes earlier I am that much later. I really don't understand what the deal is. And it is not just work. I went to a friend's baby shower and I was late to that. I knew what time I needed to leave I just couldn't manage to do it. I was even the last one ready to go try on wedding dresses for my own wedding. I set the time and told my friends what time we were going and I wasn't ready when they showed up. That is just sad. I hope I do better when the actual wedding gets here! What is wrong with me? I actually get so mad at myself when I am in the car at the exact moment I am supposed to be somewhere else. If anyone has a cure for late they could share that would be great!

Waiting

I HATE waiting. There are many things in this world I despise, waiting just happens to be one of them. I am an Independent Consultant for a popular kitchen company and I have recently ordered a new shirt and business cards from an outside company. Recently as in 12 days ago. I love to order things but I really love to get them and play with them. I have been checking outside the door faithfully just hoping my packages will arrive. They have not. I went to the website and the order status is "processed" not even shipped yet. Aargh!
Not only am I waiting on my goodies to get here, I am also waiting on my fiance. We are going to dinner to celebrate him getting his shift back. Now that may not seem like a huge deal to you but let me tell ya the real deal. We have been working opposite shifts for months. That means we only see each other on his dinner break for about an hour. Not a fun thing I assure you. Well, he found out today that he got his old shift back. Now he goes to work at 4am and gets off around 1pm. Just in time to rest up for his sweetie to get home around 5:30pm. At any rate, the shift change is not for a couple of weeks so here I sit, waiting to go to dinner and I am starving! Did I mention I don't particularly like to wait?

Why Sandlapper You May Ask

I am a Sandlapper. For those that may not know, that means I was born and raised in South Carolina and I wouldn't have it any other way. Don't worry, I am not going to bore you with the history of this great state in my very first time out. If you're anything like me you are just going to google it anyway.
Here is another good question you may be asking yourself; why a blog anyway? Well, the answer is simple - I was jealous. I have spent way too many hours reading other people's thoughts and wanting my own place to talk about whatever pops into my busy brain so here it is. You see, I have always had this notion that I needed my own talk radio show so I could tell people exactly how I see things. Not because I think that other people will care or change their way of thinking but because I think people need all the perspective they can get.
Now the question I have to ask myself; what in the hell am I going to talk about? Who knows at this point, only time will tell. Of course if I run out of stuff that history thing may be coming back.